It always seems like my princess is in another castle. If only it were so easy, that all it took to win the heart of a beautiful lady was to jump on a few heads and eat a bunch of mushrooms. I tried that once; jumping on heads, mind you, not eating mushrooms. Needless to say it didn’t go down well, and I found myself planted like a turnip; but instead of soil there was a toilet and instead of a turnip there was my head.
I decided there, with toilet water swirling around my face, that I had to do some serious training if I was going to succeed in my quest for a girlfriend. There was this one girl I fancied, Apple her name was, like Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, but not Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter (as if I could aim that high). She was bookish, though I wouldn’t go as far as saying she’d read the rules for D&D 3.5, with blue framed glasses, freckles and long strawberry blond hair.
After consulting with my party members we agreed that, stat-wise, I was a mage, so I tried to impress Apple with my intellect. I returned defeated, a sharp dent in my Happiness Points. Following more deliberation, I tried the path of the rogue and tried to use my natural charm. Not even a saving throw of 20 could have saved me from that embarrassment; everyone laughing and pointing at me. I would’ve preferred facing Cthulhu, honestly.
It was suddenly very obvious; Apple must like strong, mighty warriors. Thus began my training in the perilous Gymnasium. At the very least, a high strength stat will reduce the damage when she cuts me down, right?
